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She whimpered slightly, almost inaudibly.
Breathing even, her pace rhythmic and strong, a blur to the rest of the world, she ran for all she was worth, not caring about exposure anymore, only about escaping and evading. She hissed in panic as she ran, a spotlight firmly tailing her so that she couldn't slip into the shadows as her instincts screamed at her to do. The light was bright, too bright, and not for the first time, she wondered what had happened to Zack for him to suddenly summon Krit and Syl and then just disappear.
Zack. Her CO, her brother. NO! He was a TRAITOR. Her CO. A TRAITOR! Brother...TRAITOR...CO...
He had found her four years after the escape, sitting in a park, watching the sunset after her shift at a local diner, still wearing her uniform. He had given a contact number, explained the basics of his operation, and had given a new address to relocate to. She had noticed that he hadn't changed much from back when they were in Manticore, still stern with hidden anger brewing in his eyes, but there was a new hint of guilt and desperation there as well. She knew it was because of the others, the ones in their Unit that didn’t escape; she could guess at how guilty he felt about leaving them behind, because he always blamed himself. The commanding officer always took the blame of his inferiors, and Zack lived by that rule almost religiously.
Pain lanced through her as she tried to fight, tried to see her siblings as siblings and not TRAITORS.
Andy, the only one - besides Zack - alive and older than her, because Eva had died buying them their freedom. Andy had a complex mask on, but inside, he was a simple soul, caring and determined, but he didn’t like his position as Zack’s SIC, most often passing the responsibility on to her. He also had trouble dealing with the fact that Eva had died, because he had been the closest to her, and now he had nightmares about that night whenever he felt stressed.
She loved all of them...they were RATS! No, they were her family...No! They were the ENEMY...family...
Tinga, just a few months younger, a best friend in Manticore, in the outside, and forever more, but never again in life because Tinga was dead. She remembered when Tinga first told her about Charlie, then about Case over the telephone, their frequent conversations. She remembered laughing and being so purely happy that it seemed like a dream, and giving Case her telephone number, knowing he would remember – he was a smart boy, so smart, so much in danger. She talked to Case and Charlie a few weeks after Tinga's capture, remembered with them X-5:656 who had been Tinga, Penny, and lots of other names, but most importantly who had been her sister, Case's mother, Charlie's wife...their family.
Tears were gathering, and a corner of her mind heard the doctors say something to the Renfro woman.
Zane, lovable brother, only five months younger than her, loved all kinds of animals, but especially dogs, because he had hated the ones in Manticore and wanted to prove to himself that not every dog was like that. He was a settler, putting down roots and feelings wherever he went, and often complained to her about how he didn't like leaving friends and girlfriends on Zack's insistence, and she remembered telling him not to say that to Zack, because he should consider himself lucky to have even one girlfriend in one town, when Zack didn't even have time to live his own life. He listened to her, and didn't complain to Zack about it ever again, because he knew she was right, had known even before she’d said it, but had needed to hear it anyway, spoken out loud.
She could feel the tears fall, and she cursed her weakness even as she rejoiced at her humanity.
Brin, captured now, reintroduced, and she remembered getting angry at Manticore, at the world, because Brin had loved freedom, even the limited one they all had, moving around. She never took hold of her surroundings like Zane, just kept to her own business wherever she went, enjoying nature more than she enjoyed people. Brin had just talked to her for the leisure of talking instead of whispering, of not having to lean together across cots, speaking below the hearing level of normal humans.
They were her family, and she loved them...they weren't TRAITORs, RATs, the ENEMY...not to her...
Dan, she found him only five years ago, going to school and with friends, but not happy, never happy until he had been found and given the contact number from Zack, so he could talk with the others sometimes. He had called her at the rare times he had found a home, a true home, but had to leave it. He didn't complain about it, only spoke of how he felt, because he needed to get it out or be consumed, because Dan had always been emotional.
Pictures of how they used to look like flashed in her vision, and she couldn't counter those because she didn't know what the others looked like now, when they were all grow up, except Zack.
Jace, she had heard, was out, and with a baby, and she was happy because another sister was out and she now had two nephews.
She hated this reintroduction, hated it, because it caused her pain.
Jack had been small for his age, and always slightly lagging. He had gotten the seizures the hardest of them all, and had eventually been taken away. She recalled Jack with sadness, because Jack had died before he had even a hope of freedom.
She struggled against herself as her confused mind began to accept the facts on the screen before her.
She had been in a terrible state when she heard about Ben, had raged at the injustice of it all, because Ben had been so scared about it all, about the unknown; he had talked to her, and she had realized that he was confused, not crazy, and she loved him the best after Tinga because he needed it the most and Zack was never good at anything emotional.
Remembering them helped her, distracted her from the words and images on screen, so she bit down on the pain of resisting and tried to remember.
Jondy, she only talked to her when she was feeling sad about having to leave a boyfriend or friends, she had consoled her then, and again during the times Jondy missed Max. Jondy was restless, though, and often didn’t mind when Zack relocated her; she was too fickle to settle down in one place…most of the time.
She loved her siblings...she got angry with some of them, and she hadn't like some, but she had loved all of them completely. Had.
Max, she hated Max for a while, hated her baby sister for giving Brin to Manticore and not looking for Tinga until Tinga was dead and disobeying Zack and making Zack give himself up and because she knew Zack loved Max and Max hurt him by not seeing, and especially for killing Ben, who had talked to her the most because he needed to talk to someone who understood.
She fought to close her eyes; she didn’t want to see this, didn’t want to be here…all they had ever wanted was to be free. Why was that so much to ask?
Krit and Syl, the youngest two, always together, more than brother and sister, lovers, she knew. She had been the one they had told, so she could pass it on, to Zack. She was always the one all of them told their secrets and feelings to, because she understood. She listened when they talked, and sometimes even when they didn’t talk, because she loved them.
Soldiers don't cry, she heard from her memories. She was thankful for the tears now because they blocked her view of the screen.
She cried. She cried for the ones who hadn't escaped from her Unit, and from the other Unit, because they hadn’t bunked together and there had been no way to pass on the message, the hope. She cried once more when Brin was caught, and more when Ben died, and even more when she heard Tinga had been captured and then was dead.
She remembered the moments before her subsequent capture, more than her capture itself because she had been near-death...
She was miles away from civilization now, heading towards a cliff looking over the ocean. She whispered silently for Zack to help her, a one last try for her big brother to come and save her, like he always did. Except this time. The spotlight was now directly shining on her, with no buildings or trees to get in its way. There were no shadows; she was in the open, against all her instincts. Her heart beat steadily, and she made her way towards the cliff. If she couldn't escape from her pursuers alive...she would escape in death.
Yes, she had wanted to die, rather than come back to Manticore, like Ben, because she hadn't wanted to be like Brin. Brin was responsible for Tinga's final death and was responsible for Zack's present state, which she had seen when she woke up from her healing coma a week ago, and she didn't want to be responsible for doing something like that to the others.
Five, she told Renfo when the woman had asked how many times she had lost control an hour after she had stopped crying hysterically at the sight of Zack, a living donor instead of the strong leader he had always been. Five times I've been human, she answered, weak but still resistant.
Now, it was six, because she was crying at this very moment for the inhumane way they were slowly turning her from her family.
Once, Zack had talked to her. Not many times, like the others, but only once. It was after he had escaped, and after he had delivered Tinga into Canada. He had called her, for the first time, and had talked about the torture, of the psychoactive, and about how he had turned himself in for Max, and how he had forgotten everyone except Max. She had listened, and said nothing. Because Zack didn't take advice, and she knew that. So she listened. She became horrified by how much his mind had been affected by his experience, and had passed on news of his emotional state to Andy, who then briefly visited Zack, knocked him out, and took over caring for the others until she was sure Zack was ready.
It was sad, she thought. That Zack could love Max and Max didn't notice, because everyone knew that Zack had been in love with Max since the beginning, even when they were just X-5:599 and X-5:452 and had no names. She had wished a happy ending for her big brother, but now that he was almost dead, she knew that wasn't possible, and she grieved for him, who had given up everything but never got anything in return.
Words flashed on the screen: DUTY. DICIPLINE. MISSION. TEAMWORK.
But that had been in a classroom, not bound in chairs. Now, there were more words, more things they pounded into her head. DUTY. DICIPLINE. MISSION. TEAMWORK. Still there, but more now. LOYALTY. MANTICORE. In addition, even pictures, with words flashing behind them. TRAITOR. ENEMY. RAT.
The Colonel, imposing and scary, towering over her, cold icy eyes narrowed in assessment. He was always wanting more than their best, always demanded perfection. He taught them many things...how to fight, how to hold their breaths...how to take commands...how to fear...how to hate...but also, how to resist...
She knew what she had to do. Instead of concentrating on the screen and the words, she focused all her attention on one thing to remember, and everything else, she would forget. Forget, so they couldn't use her knowledge of the others' psyche to get to them.
"...mind is infinitely pliable..."
Three, three, one, seven, three, zero, eight, six, one, six, one, four.
"...memories can be buried..."
Three, three, one, seven, three, zero, eight, six, one, six, one, four.
"...learn to forget what you know..."
Three-three-one-seven-three-zero-eight-six-one-six-one-four.
"...deliberately flooding your mind..."
Three-three-one-seven-three-zero-eight-six-one-six-one-four.
"...can't...reveal..."
3-3-1-7-3-0-8-6-1-6-1-4
"..."
3-3-1-7-3-0-8-6-1-6-1-4
...?...
331730861614
...
- - -
Renfro gazed at the still form of the recently captured X-5:614 through the glass and frowned.
Something was wrong.
The X-5, who had been crying only moments ago, had suddenly began to move her lips, muttering something too softly for her to hear properly.
Ordering the guards to open the door, Renfro walked up to the prone form of 614, and narrowed her eyes. She could now hear whispers, but nothing clear. Leaning in close, dangerously close, she glanced once to make sure the restraints were sufficiently tight enough, and then put her ear a few inches above 614's mouth.
"...thr...on...sev..."
Renfro drew in a sharp breath as she managed to make out most of what the X-5 was saying.
"...ze...eigh...si..."
Anger bubbled inside of her, but she fought to keep her expression neutral. This had happened before, and she knew continuing would be useless now. A gesture to the doctors halted the flashing images and words, and Renfro watched grimly as the guards unbuckled 614 from the chair to drag her limp form back to her cell.
Shaking her head, Renfro cursed her luck as 614's whispers echoed in her ears.
"...3...3...1...7...3...0...8...6...1...6...1...4..."